I have a lot to say but not enough words to say it. There are one too many thoughts in my head milling around like specs of dust in sunlight in and out of focus. When i was a kid i used to lay down under the window and see sun rays filtering through the glass. There were these nearly invisible hairy lines and dust particles floating in air. thinking back they feel like few moments of pure bliss, laying on the woolen mat thoughts scattered as autumn leaves, eyes fixed on illuminated particles by day star. thinking about that is like looking back into another person’s life. Seeing through someone else’s eyes. That girl was different from me happiness was not a question it was a constant state.
That’s what growing up means. Even though parents don’t seem too tall or big. and top-shelves are not far away but everything else grows. The world expands, possibilities, doubts, conquests everything changes.
I don’t think i can ever lay under a window and see that anymore. time has taken away these hairy nearly invisible lines of dust with childhood, innocent ignorance, my grandfather and state of bliss that used to captivate this world.
I don’t know if my kid brother looks at the sky searching for elephant shaped clouds? At the moots of dust? At the random dandelion? Feel the silence of the day? Enjoy the sounds of the day which never seem to break the silence?
I don’t ever seem to have time for that anymore. Its not that those things are not important anymore. I just don’t carve them anymore, i want to understand the imaginative tick of the brains i want to hear thoughts. I want to get lost in the lights of the day and under the lights which keep the darkness at bay.
i think i rather have people to share moments with then dust and floating hairy lines for companions.