Feelings

Goodbye

Posted on

“When my time comes

Forget the wrong I have done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed”

I guess we do get what we wish for in the end. Probably why they say be careful what you wish for.

Linkin Park is part my child hood and adolescent. I grew up with two songs, because that was all my hand me down mp3, of my brother could hold. One was “in the end” and other was “malal”. I can’t remember the lyrics only one line per song maximum. But I never forget the song the idea it left behind the tune of it. I did not become a LP fan right away, my brother and his friends listened to it and so I did too. Then came numb and crawling I thought they were too loud. I really did not understand them. I came back to numb because few years later the girl in that song was casted as lead in “Step up 2”. I again listened to that song and saw the video and that was when I became acquainted with the people of that band not just the voices. I was amazed by them .It was a boy band crush for me, only LP was not a boy band, they did not just churn out song after song with lyrics that rhymed but theirs were songs that meant something.

But I think the song I truly fell in love with was “My December” I was actually introduced to that song when I was searching for Abrar-ul-Haq’s song “bhiga bhiga sa ye December hai”. My December is one of their lesser works, one of their lesser songs but there are these lyrics in it

“This is my December
These are my snow covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need

And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel
Like there was something I missed”

I am not sure for how many months this stayed on repeat on my mp3 player. Again time moved on and school ended and it was start of college that I had radio on. Yep I was a very regular listener to the radio in those years. There was this song on

“God save us everyone,
Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
For the sins of our hands,
The sins of our tongues,
The sins of our fathers,
The sins of our young.
No!”

Song lyrics of “the catalyst” from their 2011 album the thousand suns. In my opinion their best work. After that I have not missed LP one album I have listened to them all again and again. LP is not my child hood or adolescent. It was my teens it is my tweens. I just 3 days ago harassed my friend to send me whole of their latest album released this May “One more Light”. This past weekend I was telling my friends how great “Invisible” from that album was. That it is the song I hear to while I work. I was talking to my brother who introduced me to the band telling him LP still has got it, they might have changed their genre but they are all together, their band is intact for the most part and they are awesome and relevant for the most part, that is more than most can say.

I guess I was too quick with my words. I guess I should have not said that. I guess I jinxed it. And now the voice of that band is gone.

So say goodbye and hit the road
Pack it up and disappear
You better have some place to go
‘Cause you can’t come back around here
Good goodbye
(Don’t you come back no more)

“Goodbye” from one more light.

This whole last album feels like on long goodbye note I guess no one really was listening even though there are millions of listeners. There is debate whether what he did to himself was right or wrong. It depends who you ask, my grandmother used to say you have to be person of extraordinary courage to be able to take your life. It is not easy thing to do, to hurt yourself. You know why suicide bombers are dangerous? Because they have no respect for life even their own. But how to you get to a place where you lose respect for your own life? Where you hate your own existence? Where your body and mind separate and your soul cracks? I don’t know. Because it never was that bad for me. Even though I have been joking about suicide with my friends for years sometimes seriously, at times just for fun, but it was never that bad. Even pressing knife on your wrist is scary it will hurt so much I would think. The idea of pain is scary. Holding your breath for too long is impossible. Idea of drinking poison causes phantom pain inside. How much pain one’s mind must be to overpower all those very real and painful physical pains.

Now how much pain all those left behind must be in? All those people who were his friends. Whose father he was and whose god father he was. Whose husband he was and whose colleague he was. For how long I wonder will they wonder about all the things they could have done to prevent this. To help it to fix this. So many ifs in their lives so many regrets so many memories good and bad.

There is this novel by Paulo Coelho “The winner stand alone” there is this philosophy in it, if one person dies, one world dies. I guess one world died today.

Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can’t keep
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do”

Lyrics of “One more Light”. It is said to be dedicated to his friend who also took his own life some months back.

Advertisements

Clutter of things

Posted on Updated on

Standing still in clutter of things

The memories of old stored in each bit

You carry some

Some you throw away

They weigh you down

But you keep them for the sake of old times

Or so you say whenever I ask you, why

But inside you try to find the reason everyday

On busier days you ponder late at night

Chasing away the sleep with tendrils of spite

Spite, you did not know you had before

Till you were among those things again

You still keep them and they remind you of what you had

I don’t know why it was better than what you have

When you do, would you let me know?

Till than I am sure you will stay awake

I can wait or walk away

Maybe I would be a memory you keep

Or a thing you throw away

I wish, I knew

I wish I could stay awake too

Share some of that burden with you

But the lights are bright

And night is not past yet

And you make me feel alone

And I know I don’t deserve to be left behind

So I will sleep but not leave

I guess, I am sucker for memories as well